relieved...

Oct 2, 2008

relieved...

Current mood:adventurous

The last week or so, i've occupied my time with cleaning my house, computer and life. I've thrown away things, deleted emails and texts and zipped all pics and videos into a password (that i don't know) protected file. I've scrubbed and washed... And danced salsa while doing that.. It's amazing how much better throwing away and erasing any trace of falseness from my life makes me feel. And somewhere in a corner of my heart there's a new hope for happiness.. whenever somebody doesn't hold you back it's so easy to feel that way. You walk out, fill your lungs with air and feel alive. I guess it's true what they say... if life closes a door it opens a window.. (and if it closes both it opens a hole in the ceiling lol)..
I feel so full of life. I feel like when i was little and was having my first crush on a boy. I feel like a schoolgirl and i LOVE it. When i should have felt that way i was so full of worries and sadness i couldn't enjoy that beautiful stage of life. I was sucked dry by people that had agendas and so much selfishness, but now it's all over. And those people have not managed to change me, to make me bitter and closed to the world. Those people have made me be in love with the world and the people that deserve my attention and dedication in it. Those people have showed me how not to be and what not to accept ever again from anybody. I smile now... and my heart is light as a feather...

PS. Before anybody comments on this... I've left the pics on myspace because i was always honest on here about my feelings and about facts. Myspace is as real as you make it. The last 21 months have not been a lie in anything i've done or said. I don't feel sad about what happened anymore. I realize there's no reason for that nor anger. There's nothing i could ever do about it so i let it go. Life always makes sure there's balance.. or God depending in what you believe. There's no way i can erase the memory of this time that has passed, i just chose to remember the only thing real: my feelings. I've blocked the undesirable from contacting me and erased phone numbers. I don't believe somebody that doesn't care about your well-being while proclaiming love, could ever be "a good friend". I think some people just want to have reassurance that they have the forgiveness from they ones they've shunned and hurt. They want to have those "weak ones" close for the moments when they doubt their worthiness, to see that even those that they have profoundly hurt still view them as "good people". It's so strange it's funny... Talk about psychology LOL

PPS. No.. i'm not angry or vengeful but i love this song and always hear it at work and i don't want to write 20 different blogs a day :)

I wanna be around
to pick up the pieces
when somebody breaks your heart,
Somebody twice as smart as I.
Somebody who will swear to be true
like you used to do with me,
Who'll leave you to learn that
misery loves company,
wait and see.
I wanna be around to see how he does it
when he breaks your heart to bits,
Let's see if the puzzle fits, so fine,
And that's when I'll discover that
revenge is sweet,
As I sit there applauding from a front row seat,
When somebody breaks your heart
like you broke mine.
That's when I'll discover
that revenge is sweet,
As I sit there applauding from a front row seat,
When somebody breaks your heart
like you broke mine,
Like you, like you broke mine.

..... good ol' "blue eyes"....