...late night thoughts...

It's hard to detach yourself from the hopes and dreams you've had for so many years. It's starting to curl at the corners and the moment will come when I'll have to peel it all in one pull. That would probably be less painful than to continue hoping for something that seems less and less achievable. It's not that I'm a pessimist, it just seems that I'm a realist. I'm tired of people that pretend, people that have agendas or plainly people that have no courage to say what they have on their mind. They think that by keeping silent they don't hurt anybody... silence hurts more than anything else in the world. I'd know, I've looked plenty of times at turned backs, I've looked and swallowed my tears and felt my heart breaking. I guess my desire for affection has led me to some of the mistakes in my life. My innocence and willingness to trust others to other mistakes... and my forgiving nature to the rest. I really can't blame people for the way they are, because that's how they are. It was me that always trusted for a good heart to be found underneath. And in time i have learned my lesson and learned to walk away when i KNEW how the other person was. I believe myself to be valuable enough for someone to give me the chance and time to know me, the real me, with my defects and qualities, with my affection, tenderness and moods... and who doesn't, doesn't deserve me. I'd rather have nobody and expect nothing, i can live with the loneliness, than have someone or like someone that doesn't care to give what any other person is just to expect from its couple.