This might as well be a letter never meaning to send... to whom? who knows. Maybe to whom my mouth has no courage to speak to. Maybe deep inside i hope he'll read it, but that's always the last hope, the one you have when you're on a brink.
I guess I've been restless for the last few days. I now understand how little i understand others, even thou i try. And it's not a lack of trying on my part, but a lack of transparency on their part. I find myself wondering if by being foreign I'm not being taken seriously, by any. That thought has crossed my mind a lot lately. In that case I'd come up losing from all sides since I'm foreign to most. Maybe others look at foreigners the way they look at some alien species.. they figure we're different, maybe our feelings don't get hurt.
Well, let me put the record straight. Everybody has feelings that can get hurt. In my case maybe more than others as unfortunately I'm a cancer, a artistic soul, easily hurt, thou you'd never be able to tell... it's those deep waters we swim in, the torment is under the surface. Lately it's been harder and harder to hide it, maybe because I'm tired of hiding it, or sometimes there's too much pain there and it just bursts out...
In moments like these, I find myself closing my eyes and feeling his arms around me, strong and supporting, strong yet gentle... who could that be... my mom said "what's your is put aside" and made me laugh with it. What's mine is very well hidden, because as hard as i look, i can't find it.. So i go through life trying arms for size but no luck...
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