I'm 35 and I'm tired.. Get some rest, you'll say. No, not that kind of tired. I'm tired of the games people play. I'm tired of being judged by people before they even get to know me. If I like you and show it, you take advantage, if I don't, you lose interest. If I'm honest about myself, you don't appreciate that, instead you judge me, but if I hold back you think I'm a fake. If I like you and show it, then I'm clingy, if I don't show it, then I'm cold. If I'm white, you want me dark skinned, yet if I'm darker, you want me as pale as the moon. I'm 35 and at my peak, yet if I act upon my desire, I'm easy, if I don't then I'm a prude. If I offer to pay the tab you feel offended and if I don't you think I'm using you.. I'm simply tired. Let's get things straight. I DON'T READ MINDS. If you have something to say, please say it. Don't think just because you give me hints, that is enough. If you like me, act upon it. Just because you feel it, doesn't mean I know it. If you want to meet me, make an effort. That's how a relationship is built. I'm not fighting for the power. A relationship is not about power, but acceptance, patience, love and understanding. Understand that I want you for the only reason one should want another.. for you, who you are inside. I don't need you financially, I need you emotionally. Understand that if you're the one I'm talking to, you're THE ONLY ONE I'm talking to. I'm giving you my undivided attention. Because I believe that's the fair thing to do. I'd love it to be the same way around. I like to be spoken to with the truth, directly. If what you have to say is going to hurt me, well that's life. I'd rather hear it from you than see you slowly disappear from the scene, so that I'd "get the message". I'm not up for an artificially created rollercoaster relationship. Life is a rollercoaster enough for me not to have the stomach for someone that will give me ups and downs. I know what I want from you and even if I like you, if you're not what I need, I'd rather you not be in my life.. finally.. is it really necessary to have to say all this? Why isn't this common sense? Why do we have to go through life and learn these lessons the hard way. School should be more about life and people and knowing how to treat others. Then we wouldn't have people hurting others so easily.
I'm an emotional person.. too emotional maybe. Not in the scene-creating kind, but in caring too much kind. I hide it most of the times because I don't want to be hurt. Because I have been hurt.. it's a reflex. So I'm full of doubts, not about myself, but about others. Others have taken my hand, promised to walk by my side just to finish by hurting me. I'm not even judging them. I chose them and I stood up by them after they hurt me. But I've changed. I've learnt to walk away when I have to. I've learnt that some people never get to exercise that "being a good human" muscle. Now, if I stick around and insist is because I'm finally listening to my gut feeling. And even now I'm sometimes wrong, but very rarely. So if I stick around and insist, believe me, it's for the right reason. I believe in you, I like you, I want you to be by my side. I'm not going to hide. I want something for the long run. I want someone that I can feel comfortable with, so that the fear of being judged would disappear. I want someone to be goofy with but also serious at times, someone that will dry my tears with his lips. Someone that won't laugh at my weaknesses or take advantage of them. Someone that will believe me when I say "i love you" because it's not something that comes out of my mouth lightly.. a long list you might say. It's not a long list. What I described are many facets of a character. Someone affectionate, open-minded, not superficial, loyal and honest.
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