it's 2AM and i can't sleep..

We are so insecure of all that is around us.. we feel we need to conform to certain rules and convention arbitrary established by the society. What is now allowed and normal, was unheard of or illegal 50 years ago. The society is constantly changing, the norms are always changing. The normal is always changing.  I do feel nostalgia for the past but i think that's natural. I yearn for my careless years. I yearn for the simplicity      of that life. It was complicated in its own way but so simple in comparison to now.

I look around me now, as i take a midnight walk through my streets.. i pass by people sleeping and as i do, i try to imagine their lives, their dreams and desires.. but mostly their pain. I know about pain and about hiding it. I've done it many years. So i can understand how that feels. Every person i meet on my path, i look inside their eyes and try to read the truth. I can't. I have to admit i'm not good at this. I can't even notice the lie in their eyes. There's a change in me. The longer i exist the more i know that.. i know nothing. And i think that's an achievement. I know nothing when it comes to love, i know nothing when it comes to life.. I've decided not to think life but live it. Not make plans because they never get achieved. Take each day, each moment.. each person.. at it's own value. Cherish my smiles, taste my tears.. but most of all cherish my memories. I never knew what happiness is. I never really knew love. For a fleeing moment, i thought i had it. I don't know what happened.. society norms, family or simply a lying heart. It all went away and i was left silently with my heart crying out the question. Why? I'm resigned.. i'll never know. All i can feel is that from across the world, my steps are still besides you, even if you don't want them. You can not love me, you can even tell me calmly you never loved me.. but you can't make me not love you.