A cool night of september...

There are moments in life when i feel my compass is missing or at least broken. I stand looking at the empty wall and don't know which way to go. People disappoint me... disgust me sometimes.. revolt me most of the times..
A lot of times i thought i was born too late. Yes, there were struggles and unfairness before, but there were also people of strong character and fair beliefs, the ones that believed in honesty and justice. Now... it's all washed out. People are petty and selfish, and if not so much so, then they are so much involved in the millions of details of day to day life, they fail to recognize what's truly important in life... Connected to the computer, phone, ipod... we start resembling the humans in WallE.

And the sad thing is this will only get worse... Today my faith in "man" is shaken.

Cold Sadness

Icy alleys I walk alone in the cold dawn,
stepping over dead leaves that have fallen,
as dead as the feelings I've lost
and that have taken a piece of my soul with them.

Stone statues of green reflection I meet in my way
as many as those that have broken my heart
looking proudly toward the sky without bending
their stiff neck to look at those who suffer...

I've raised my fist in resentment, yelling
my rage to their dead eyes and waited
an answer that would never come...

And as their outside, their soul is green and black,
dead and putrefied and dry and cold...

Death

Death... sweet and awaited relief for my soul,
My soul that died with the last word from your mouth,
With the last breath of your love,
Together with my dreams and happiness.
Ahh sweet death... everybody loathes you...
I receive you with joy and serenity.
Give me the peace that i miss,
Give me the dirt to make it my home,
Give me time to forget the lying lips.
Come, surrender... come, peace and tranquility...
Come, forgetfulness...
The dust will settle on my tomb,
I will be forgotten and will live forever
In the sound of the falling leaves,
In the blowing of the wind,
In the whisper of the mountain springs,
In the first sunshine every morning,
In the innocent laughter of the children,
In the passionate look of the sincere lovers...

... first time... blogging

Ever since i was really young i wanted to keep a journal, but i never had the discipline to do it. Eventually life got in the way and i entertained myself with other things... Now i feel that itch again.

It is 3 am August 23rd, with coincidentally used to be Romania's national day back in communist era... the day i used to walk arm in arm with my parents to the park to watch the fireworks. I don't regret those days, i just feel nostalgic sometimes.

Today was sunday, work was.. well work, all i could think about all day was returning home and enjoying some time with friends. There might not be many as i have learned to be choosy, but those few are the friends anybody would dream to have and i can only hope that they feel the same from me...

... and of course was Bollywood movie night. I watched "3 idiots" again, and cried as i didn't do the first time i watched it. I just hope i opened Lisa to Aamir Khan's genius and she'll forget about happy endings and costumes and watch also sad ending movies with modern clothes :o)...

Coming home, i spent a couple of hours watching some really interesting interviews with Aamir, concerning education. They left me thinking about today's worlds and the mess we make of it. We as individuals are nothing but grains of sand, magnificently unique yet little, in a huge desert. We live our lives concerned about petty unimportant things, selfish things. Many of us go through life without even imagining that those commodities could be gone one day, with realising how easy that could happen. Some of Aamir's words really resonated within me. I'm not a religious person and i try to live my life more by a moral code rather than a religious one. I believe in "live and let live". In going through life, living your life but without hurting intentionally others. I imagine sometimes maybe a christian that always hatted a Muslim of Buddhist dieing and and being taken in front of a God that is not his, for judgement.. how would he justify his behaviour towards his fellows. I think if we could all live our lives without trying to convert everybody to what we believe to be true, if we respect diversity as it exists, if we respect others and their feelings... our world would be a better place, a more peaceful place.

... ok i lied... i would try to convert everybody to watching Bollywood.. but can you blame me?? :)))

Thinking about this particular subject always depresses me. It makes me lose faith in people and in the world. I think we have completely lost perspective of life, we just go on living it, many of us without knowing what tomorrow will bring, or even not wanting to think about what tomorrow would bring, mostly out of fear.

Time to go to bed.. or try to. Maybe my mind will finally want to rest a bit.